Love Monkey Blows

YAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!

2006-04-25T21:46:00.000-04:00

Somebody kill me, please!

O, why, God, why?

And this current episode? Are you fucking kidding me? That chick-- that's what they think a Pitchfork writer lives like??? BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Welcome to Bizarro world!!!!

PLEASE KILL ME, YAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!

Thank the sweet baby Jesus ...

2006-02-14T12:27:00.000-05:00

(Who protects me even while I sleep!)
Here's the best Valentine, ever: We've been saved.

Curious...

2006-01-26T01:17:00.000-05:00

Technorati results for "Love Monkey" are almost exclusively Livejournals.

You judge for yourself the significance of that one.

How do I taunt thee? Let me count the ways -- (Ep 1.02)

2006-01-24T22:45:00.000-05:00

This show is boring;
So boring that I may have no longer have any reason to taunt, because taunting requires a worthy target;
I mean, you wouldn't taunt blancmange, would you? Unless the blancmange were threatening to destroy Wimbledon;
Love Monkey, you're my inner pain.

Ahem.

2006-01-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

Um. Uh...

Well, the first Love Monkey Slash Fic has appeared.

Ahem.

Weakly

2006-01-19T22:20:00.000-05:00

EW (and how appropriate is it that Entertainment Weekly's initials are "Ew!"?) reports on Love Monkey's ratings:

CBS entertainment president Nina Tassler seemed really psyched about "potential" for "growth."

The Voice Speaketh

2006-01-19T22:05:00.000-05:00

The Village Voice call's Love Monkey "inspid!"

Remember, Ossilin? That's the same word I used to describe Love Monkey to you!

Village Voice:

You're Wayne and we will try to keep your Wayneness," Tom promises sincerely, damning Love Monkey to the crapper, another failed attempt to use rock as the backdrop for an insipid sitcom.

Love Monkey Viewing Party Gawked

2006-01-19T18:42:00.000-05:00

... by, um, Gawker. [And they speak the truth, as always: "In case you weren’t sure, yes, CBGB’s jumped the shark, landed in the tank, got eaten, vomited up again, eaten again and then shot by Roy Scheider." --Ossilin]

But the real question is: did anyone go to the one at Pianos? Report, please.

[UPDATE: According to this, that viewing party is actually in a couple of weeks -- "New York band Eugene will be performing on CBS's Love Monkey Tuesday, January 31st 9pm. And will be playing the Love Monkey Viewing Party (acoustic set) on January 31st, 8pm. Pianos Upstairs." Go forth and taunt, people! (The television screen, I mean, not the live bands, who always deserve a chance for recognition if they are talented and ... sipid?)]

Julia: The Record Label Love Interest

2006-01-18T20:12:00.000-05:00

Her Myspace Profile:

Hahahahahah! She currently has 2 friends: Tom (duh!), and, get this: Tom! BWAH HA HA HA HA!

Location: WILLIAMSBURG, NY (emphasis mine)

Heroes (I shit you not): Buddha, Nancy Spungen.

That's Buddha *and* Nancy Spungen, get it? Whoa, she's "FAR OUT!" She's "CRAZY!"

How do I taunt thee? Let me count the ways -- (Ep 1.01, Pilot)

2006-01-17T23:28:00.000-05:00

The font on the title card that states "Love Monkey" blows even more than the show itself;
Teddy Geiger's acting is on a par with Mischa Barton's;
The use of the word "Bro" (pronounced "braw") as a term of endearment/disparagement (ex.: "Hey, Bro, it's toro, it's the Rolls Royce of sushi"):
Tori Amos referred to as "vagina music" -- I mean, I hate Tori Amos and I still find that retarded;
No one who has a real job in NYC takes lunch hour during work hours and thus, no one who has a real job in NYC would actually be late to a meeting;
Eric Bogosian has aged more beautifully than Tom Cavanagh;
Trite use of thunder and rain FX, a la Four Weddings And A Funeral;
"Love Is A Marathon"?!;
(*I thought it was a battlefield? - Kornbluth)
Feel free to add your own.

Welcome To The Matrix

2006-01-17T17:01:00.000-05:00

(Or, for those of you so inclined, to Equilibrium) ... Variety reports on the layers of Sony BMG marketing woven through CBS's "music-centered skein".

Also filed under "emetic": Love Monkey Radio (scroll down). I can't bear to post a link to the actual radio stream, so find it on your own, if you dare.

2006-01-17T13:01:00.000-05:00

The Times:

Understandably, his boss fires him on the spot. Tom is in many ways a watered-down, television version of Tom Cruise in "Jerry Maguire" (you deplete me).

New York Magazine:

It squirms and bawls like the bastard love child of Candace Bushnell and Nick Hornby.

You almost got it, but it's "Blows" not "Bites"

2006-01-17T10:49:00.000-05:00

The Celebrity Cafe:

The Man in the Yellow Hat would probably disown “Love Monkey,” a dreary dramatic comedy that is more dangerous than that chimp in "Outbreak."

2006-01-17T10:46:00.000-05:00

Timesunion.com:

It's as if "Ed" were on his way to an audition for a Dockers commercial but found himself marooned in the East Village and asked to give a lecture on the history of punk rock.

Ugh.

2006-01-17T10:13:00.000-05:00

I'll bet you a hundred bucks you can't get beyond the first paragraph of this Boston Globe "Love Monkey" review:

The language of CBS's ''Love Monkey" is Bob Dylan-ese, peppered with the odd Sex Pistols phrase, and spoken in a Talking Heads accent. It also has etymological roots in Aretha Franklin, CBGB, Air Supply, and Eric Clapton's ''Layla," which proudly announces itself in a cellphone ring tone.

Ugh.

That's what we thought, too

2006-01-16T19:20:00.001-05:00

From the January 23rd issue of People:

[Cavanagh] does not look like a man born to wear a porkpie hat with confidence or style. He might as well go out with his head under a taxidermized crow.

2006-01-16T08:48:00.000-05:00

"Even PETA wouldn't object to putting down this monkey."
--Boston Herald, 1/16/06

Tom Cavanagh innocently tries to attend a Knick game...

2006-01-13T20:54:00.000-05:00

...and suddenly the internet gets even more weird.

Go here, read the comments.

Cuts like a knife...

2006-01-13T10:19:00.001-05:00

The Washington Blade:

[Love Monkey] is just too crowded, confused and unoriginal to bear repeated viewing.

Our ranks are growing

2006-01-12T20:25:00.000-05:00

Hollwood Reporter:

The premise of an attractive group of friends living and loving in the Big Apple is not exactly a novel idea, but there's always room for a series that resonates with a distinctive new take, a unique perspective or memorable characters. Unfortunately, this isn't it.

Time:

Tom, a supposedly individualistic tastemaker, is about as edgy as a pair of pleated khakis. (He loves Bob Dylan and hates Hanson! Risky!)

St. Petersburg Times Floridian:

Love Monkey is based on a book of the same name by Kyle Smith about character Tom Farrell "navigating the tumultuous and highly amusing waters of work and dating in New York City," CBS says.

Yeah. Not so much.

Plan Your Viewing Parties Now

2006-01-12T10:49:00.000-05:00

Here is a handy "Love Monkey" episode guide with synopses (though not all synopses have been updated yet -- but it seems that anyone can add and edit synopses with a free registration. Project Mayhem, anyone?)

Well, The News & Observer talks sense

2006-01-11T23:33:00.000-05:00

...and they out the gay character! Not Jason Priestly (the brother in law), and not Larenz Tate (the "buddy with street smarts and a fat bankroll"), but the other guy. He's the gay friend. But anyway, from 01/08.

The only thing more predictable than the plot and dialogue is the overbearing soundtrack, which seems to be a big reason for the show's existence. It's called licensing, folks. Here's betting that a "Love Monkey" CD featuring the Rolling Stones, the Killers and Beck is already boxed and ready to be shipped.

That disc would definitely include pretty boy singer Teddy Geiger as Wayne, whom Tom takes on as a client in his new job at a smaller label. We're expected to buy this pre-blues John Mayer-sound-alike as a new Dylan who reignites Tom's passion for music. These two guys bonded over their mutual admiration for Sid Vicious and CBGB's? Please.

I'm just trying to get this straight in my head...

2006-01-11T23:07:00.000-05:00

So...the show is about this guy who leaves the big mega-label, to go to a smaller label, because he's "about the music" and not "about the money." And so, since he's so "about the music" and not "about the money", he proceeds to go and sign this "unknown" kid (just "hoping that the rest of the world will hear the same magic that he does"). And yet, the whole scenario is played out on a network television show, and the story itself has been crafted in part in an effort to mass market this new kid, who is, in real life, a Columbia Records artist, whose new album they are obviously trying to push very hard for its debut next month. Is this what them college braniacs refer to as a "dichotomy?"

Good thing I read sidebar ads...

2006-01-11T21:18:00.000-05:00

Otherwise, I probably would've missed this one:

True Vinyl Records

Uh, yeah.

Lost In Translation

2006-01-11T21:00:00.000-05:00

From ミヤタブログ (Babelfish'd blog tagline: "The California and New York life which 'enjoys American life'"):

3rd as for volume "Love Monkey" by Kyle Smith

The Manhattan love rice D + story of the original music lighter/writer Kyle of New York Village Voice Smith. "Catching with the rye field," as for the person who the mark with the paste is funny very, can read English the NY white paper which would like to have reading by all means.

"Yupper East Side" you write Upper East Side, the medium 々, New York ' sarcasm '.

Personal And Confidential

2006-01-11T20:25:00.000-05:00

TRANSCENDENTAL MEMORANDUM

TO: J. Christ
FR: TheFaithLive(Journal)sOn
RE: Dirty Heathens

Dear ~~Mr. Christ~~ Jesus,

You probably already know that I've been a right and steady Christian for the last seven years. Except for the time I put ground-up Ex-Lax into Missy Somerville's mashed potatoes when we had that sleepover at Camp Crucifix (I mean, she said she wanted to get rid of the baby fat on her cheeks!), I've been good about praying, wearing my cross, and practicing my re-virginizing rituals every week.

I have one small request to ask of you. I'd really appreciate if you could make sure that Tom Cavanagh remains clean-shaven and doesn't get hair highlights and stops wearing eyeglasses (myopia is the work of The Devil!). That way, I'll be able to keep the faith that he's crushworthy and has Christian values, just like me.

Thankz in advance for your consideration.

Who are you, Gothamist?

2006-01-11T20:00:00.000-05:00

Huh. There are music lovers in New York [who actually take the subway! --Ed.] who are, apparently, sincerely interested in "Love Monkey." Who knew?

Wayne's World

2006-01-11T19:33:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to add "Wayne From Love Monkey" to your Myspace buddies list!

Related: Oh, Tom...fire that wardrobe lady already.

Robbed? Shaff(t)ed?

2006-01-11T19:09:00.001-05:00

I wonder how long the show will last? I hope it goes long enough for us to see the Robbers On High Street episode, but I don't know when that's slated to run; I think it's like ep. 4 or 5 at least. But I mean, I guess we should keep in mind that this is a mid-season replacement, and as such, there aren't that many total episodes, anyway. Although I'm sure the show will stay on long enough for the Paul Schaffer episode, though.

woo.

Plus Also

2006-01-11T18:26:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to keep up with the innermost thoughts of young Teddy Geiger, who has a recurring role on Love Monkey as a rising pop rocker and who will perform songs from his upcoming album Underage Thinking throughout, at his GreatestJournal site.

1996

2006-01-11T17:20:00.000-05:00

You know, I was thinking about it, and maybe 10 years ago, this concept would have worked as a show, but now...*now*, there' s just no way. I mean, think about it: In today's world, "label guys" are considered villains, aren't they? So, the main character here, "Tom Farrell," is, in fact, a target of scorn from the outset! Why didn't they just make it into a TV Movie, "How Hillary Rosen Got Her Groove Back"....

Destined to become our arch-enemy

2006-01-11T17:04:00.000-05:00

LM Online dot com.

Well, whaddya know?

2006-01-11T15:49:00.000-05:00

Looks like the leader of The Orphans is in "Love Monkey"!

Unlove-ED?

2006-01-11T14:39:00.000-05:00

I mean no offense to Tom Cavanagh. I saw that Ed show a handful of times, and it wasn't too bad.

But a brother's gotta work, I know.

I beg to differ ...

2006-01-11T13:00:00.000-05:00

Just what is Love Monkey? Love Monkey is *so* gay.

Hello World

2006-01-11T12:26:00.001-05:00

Well, that new CBS show "Love Monkey" is really gonna suck. Like, bad. I mean, just the name itself, how cringe-inducing is that?

Love Monkey Blows

YAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!

Thank the sweet baby Jesus ...

Curious...

How do I taunt thee? Let me count the ways -- (Ep 1.02)

Ahem.

Weakly

The Voice Speaketh

Love Monkey Viewing Party Gawked

Julia: The Record Label Love Interest

How do I taunt thee? Let me count the ways -- (Ep 1.01, Pilot)

Welcome To The Matrix

You almost got it, but it's "Blows" not "Bites"

Ugh.

That's what we thought, too

Tom Cavanagh innocently tries to attend a Knick game...

Cuts like a knife...

Our ranks are growing

Plan Your Viewing Parties Now

Well, The News & Observer talks sense

I'm just trying to get this straight in my head...

Good thing I read sidebar ads...

Lost In Translation

Personal And Confidential

Who *are* you, Gothamist?

Wayne's World

Robbed? Shaff(t)ed?

Plus Also

1996

Destined to become our arch-enemy

Well, whaddya know?

Unlove-ED?

I beg to differ ...

Hello World

Who are you, Gothamist?